Concentrate and focus. Know that regardless of what other people do, however people behave, it is your own action and effort that will pay off for YOURSELF. At the end of the day, the results is yours to own and the regret/happiness is yours to enjoy. For yourself, do it.

Life is just soooo routine. Last sem was over and holidays zoomed past and here we are, halfway through the second semester of year one. Maybe its cuz I really haven't been updating often enough. Or maybe its cuz I have been so busy- over things I should be busy over AND things I shouldn't even be bothering so much about.. I can totally imagine feeling very troubled over mods and timetables one more time again. -_- Before I know it maybe I'll be like 50 years old already zzzzz.

Did some edits to some stuff and I decided to reopen my blog again. Not for posting religiously, but rather for an outlet to share my own thoughts and feelings as and when I feel like it. No longer dated entries to jot down memories of what I did with whom at each point of time, but rather somewhere just for myself. I doubt anyone reads anyway.

I haven been blogging for way too long I think its time I did a general and quick update, especially since its been like more than two months since school began and before I know it, the term is just gonna come to an end. Lots of changes have taken places throughout these two months, with so many things happening -_- Quite draining but I must say it has been pretty fruitful and happening :)

After all these months of dreading, the time is here. It will be first august in like, 3.5hours time, and indication of the beginning of school. Lessons arent what's scaring me. Its everything else. I probably would have said this a hundred times but I just thought that this time round, the day before the beginning of my university life, I could just sum up everything that has happened these few months, as well as my feelings towards what's coming up for me... ( I secretly am feeling very lazy but this is the very last thing on my to-do list, besides watching gossip girl so I guess I really will concentrate, for abit at least. )

To be honest, I was really looking forward to orientation, cuz I never knew ( okay damn stupid I know ) that uni was nothing like JC. I mean, in sec sch everyone told us that jc aint anything like sec sch but it pretty much felt the same, cept for the people. JC was much much much more awesome. But anyway, I was pretty much misled by that concept and thus I never knew that orientation in uni would be subjected to limited places ( wtf ) and required signing up on a first come first serve basis. I never knew that in uni you dont exactly belong in a class, you simply belong to a particular module timeslot on a short term basis for just one semester. I knew nothing till like a week back or so, and from then I should say my feelings towards orientation comprises of only fear, fear and more fear.

Theres this strange doubt in me wondering if it would be fun, and when I start to imagine, the images of jc orientation just comes flooding back to me all over again. Even stupid games like whacko were so interesting, with the awesome company of people- who you knew would be fighting alongside with you towards a common goal for two years. This time round its just gonna be... Hi bye friendships. Friendships that exist for a module or two, and others that exist for different modules. It is just SO traumatizing. Or at least thats what it seems like. I just hope Im wrong.

Furthermore, it doesnt help that Im gonna be crashing oweek cuz I just feel damn awkward about it, being really really really thin-skinned. But then again I have no choice cuz orientation HAS LIMITED SLOTS, i reiterate. I simply do not understand why orientation is organized for just a certain group of people. But whatever.

All in all, I just feel really scared, even though Bernice will be around with me. I think its more of the crashing Im scared of )':

These few days have been this journey towards getting adjusted into uni life, even though we haven exactly started. Having to bid for modules using the weirdest system ever, thinking super hard which subjects to choose to plan for the perfect timing, and even having to rank the preference of tutorial timeslots to get a super good timetable etc. All these, are crazy. Im glad bidding for round 1 is over though, afew more years of bidding to go.... LOL I'll probably rock at ebay after that

Alot of ranting I know, but times when Im alone, I think back of the past, of the 8 months since A levels ended. I still remember, 2dec! I dont know what I did the 8 mths that have passed, but I'll sum it up with modelling, vacations and spending quality and quantity time with my friends. I havent exactly told anyone about it, but I feel like the beginning of uni life will make me distant from my friends, especially my special ones who Ive spent soooo much time with the past few months and my babies whom I spent my last two years with :(

These few days I felt so freaking lonely. I cant explain how I feel or whats missing but I just know something is. I used to go out like min twice a week with my special ones, but now that uni is approaching and not even happening yet, its already taking place. Whats gonna happen after uni starts? And it seems like I haven done enough to keep us together. My fault, maybe. I dont think they know though, nor would they be reading, I think. But whatever it is, Im so scared of losing them once school reopens and I just love them ):

And school... Is already robbing some of my friends away from me. People who get used more quickly to uni life, people who are adapting well... Soon we might just forget one another and forget how perfect, or at least close to perfect, school seemed to be. NUS NTU SMU. Sigh

Lots of feelings these days too. But I cant bring myself to go and approach and talk to anyone just in case I give people the impression that Im making use of them as and when I need them. All the while, I thought that its a privellege to have people share problems, issues, and happenings with you. I still do. I never thought that it was a form of making use of someone and I thought that its like a magical connection. But you know what, I still believe in what I believe in. I still think that its a blessing to be able to have people you can share things with, and people who are willing to share things with you.

I know things are gonna change and things happens for reasons and blablablablabla. I pretty much say it very often myself, but seriously why do good things change for the worse and bad things change for the worst? Im tired of trying to salvage things people dont even see as issues, but do exist... Maybe its cuz people arent actually THAT close afterall. Or maybe Im expecting too much

What may come, uni seems like a big jump for me. I guess all I can do is to be open about it, make new friends, try my very best to maintain my current friendships, and juggle everything I have on hand.

This is pretty much a pessimistic post, but I cant be more aware of how its about the way you look at things. Say goodbye to late nights and late mornings, and hello to camps and lessons and cca and studies and early mornings

Many at times I feel upset, disappointed, and worn out trying to keep things together. I really do. Then when I think of what these people Im getting so upset over are doing, probably having dinner or awesome conversations and happy moments with OTHER people, I just... Cant do it anymore.

Sometimes I wanna tell you-guys-know-who-you-are, I really love you. Can we just stay like this, forever?

There are things I wanna blog about explicitly with regards to uni and how I feel about everything, especially after a particularly awesome day with the people who made my jc life so colourful. I can cry thinking about the past cuz those were awesome moments I never wanna let go, and cry thinking about the future cuz I really dont know what to do without them.

Yeah I will make new friends, I probably will. But question is, will it ever be the same? Will all the people I meet be as genuine? I love the way we can camwhore and help each other and love one another without backstabbing each other. I just.. Cant imagine we're not gna be classmates anymore. SMU, NUS, NTU- Every single one is so far from one another. Even within the same sch, the faculties are so far apart. Even within the faculties, the classes are so far apart. Everything is just gonna be apart already. I cant help but feel super pessimistic.

Im only human. I react to my feelings. I cant think so rationally all the time, or think so optimistically and positively, or feel so numb about everything. I. HAVE. FEELINGS.

I probably will blog more tomorrow cuz I have to go down to NUS for medical check and registration tomorrow. But sometimes I really just need to rant. I feel so bloody damn scared. I wish time would pause, really. Is there any way we could all still be together, every single day? :'( :'(

Im a person with pretty much alot of fears. More than people think I would have. Since I highly doubt any/many would read this anyway, I guess it does no harm consolidating all my thoughts...?

Each day, I am counting down how long more I have left as a free girl with no deadlines, no commitments, no nothing but all the time in the world to do anything I want. Okay maybe I am not THAT free with nothing to do at all, but rather I will take some time getting used to having to wake up early for class, having class ( wth I haven gone to school or had lessons for like 9 mths -_- ), doing homework, paying attention, blabla.... I sure will miss getting to sleep anytime I want cuz I dont have to wake up early or even wake up at all if thats what I want -.- I sure will miss being able to comment for jobs as and when I want without having to considering if I have anything else on. Sigh.

Yes, it is damn ironic cuz I used to complain about how bored I am and how I wish school starts but I fear too. Despite all the OTHER feelings I get, I experience fear, too. No?

One thing for sure I will regret not having done enough this entire holiday is closely related to modelling. I was super un-proactive in the beginning when I first started and there was this point of time even, when I wanted to quit. I wish I had more courage in me to pursue all aspects of my part time dream in the early part of the year, when I had all the time in the world. I didnt until recently, but ohwell I guess modelling isnt something Im gna give up, even after school starts.

Feeling pretty puzzled and confused about life these few days, as the thought of school dawns upon me. Thursday would be registration as well as the medical check up ( thank god I have bernice for company zzz ) but I dont know, it just doesnt seem as welcoming as I thought it would be. Doesnt seem like theres gna be proper orientation (?) or whatsoever. I feel scared. Scared about school, scared about people, scared about what people think/say, scared of being judged, scared about curriculum, scared about my attitude, scared that I cannot find the same kinda familiarization I found in 7a, scared about every goddamn thing ):

Im even scared about things totally unrelated to school cuz I somehow can still draw an indirectly link. I fear that school would take away friends from me, the ones who are too, gonna be in an entirely new environment ( but possibly adapting to it alot better ). I fear that school will further distant the close bonds I have with the people I love most, with alot less time for them, and with an additional schedule to accomodate :/ I fear that the lack of time I have for the people I love will make me lose them to others. I fear everything that seems redundant but might not actually be that redundant....

Im actually someone thats really scared to lose. I want to win in most things that I do, but dont you? One thing I know for sure, Im someone who dares to face up to my emotions, to what I want. I dare to admit that I may in some way or another, be selfish in one sense or another. I dont readily just let people go like that, I dont readily accept becoming #2 to somebody else.

I dont even know why Im typing this. But one thing for sure, I absolutely hate how Im feeling now.

Will it get better?

Afew days ago, I really really wanted to blog. But laziness overwhelmed me so much that I gave up in the end. It always happens. I think I want to blog only when I am trying to send a certan message across to somebody, or when I feel really really down. It kinda happened a few days ago, but it affected me for afew hours and tadah its all gone. I guess its the jittery kinda feeling that I felt, fear. Fear of being hurt, fear of history repeating, fear of being able to actuallly predict whats gna happen next. I guess some things stay, aye? Its not possible to just wipe out a certain part of the memory just like that.

I felt happy, sad, afraid, puzzled, annoyed......... All of it. Every emotion that flowed within me was different. But the strongest one was confusion. I guess Im wavered, no longer as certain that whatever was wrong was actually right, no longer stubborn in persisting in what will never happen. I THINK I really grow from each lesson, but a part of me says...

Alright unhappy things aside, the long awaited celebration for beloved miss shirley tan has finally come to a conclusion ! Undoubtedly she spoilt my surprises several times but I still had fun trying to trick her, lie to her, and plan lots of things. All started out on friday night, when I met her for dinner at town after my casting at mediacorp. ( btw it was only then I realized how freaking inconvenient it is to reach mediacorp without taxi/car wtf I walked in -.- ) I didnt tell her where we were going for dinner and TADAH she was totally surprised that its the place she wanted to go to, of which name she didnt even know in the first place ( but I managed to find out HEHEHE ) ! :) Mini shopping and looking at stuff after that, while I made use of the opportunity to dig into her wallet to find out her full address LOLOL. Dinner was accompanied by present opening, of which many of them were empty ( I spent damn long wrapping empty presents JUST THINK HOW HARD IT IS TO WRAP NOTHING LOL ) and it was damn funny. She kept exposing me though zzz. Dinner was at the ship at shaw centre and I must say the food was pretty good ! I really liked my ala ship hahaha :D


Got a heart attack on saturday when I found out that cecilia and co bought lover a bag too. BACKPACK ALSO BLACK COLOUR ALSO OMG. If it was the same one I would have fainted.

We were supposed to appear at her place when she was about to leave for jp, but I didnt expect her to leave so early when I said that I was still super far away-.- Ended up by the time mommy and daddy picked monsteryeo, korkor dearie and laoqian up from lakeside and we reached her place, she was already reaching jp omg-_- I wanted to die I swear but managed to trick her to come back cuz her board was way too big to be brought around. I felt damn retarded when I insisted on taking the lift that doesnt reach her house. LOL. She kept telling me that that lift doesnt go to her house but I said "nevermind just take la. try. " LOL thinking back makes me laugh cuz it was so goddamn dumb please its as though she never knew that the lift can lead to her house while I do. LOL. She got in anyway, together with sharon and tadah there were the guys with my brownie cake with love :D


Heh sharon helped her to put her stuff, after which my "chauffeur" aka mummy and daddy ( I promised her there will be a chauffeur to pick her up from jurong SEE HAHA ) picked us up while the guys cabbed down to zoo. She didnt know where we were going cuz I refused to tell her, till daddy asked mummy "so where are we gg now" and mummy just blurted "zoo" out -_- LOL. Ohwell ! At least I kept the suspense for a longgggg time. Lots of animal photos and all, as we revisited the kiddy days when we visited the zoo on school excursions/for zoologist badge HAHA YOUNG SCIENTIST WTF. It doesnt seem as interesting as I last remembered it to be but ohwell pretty fascinating and such. Probably wont be coming back for what, another ten years? LOL. We were saying the last time we came was ten years ago, and the next time we go would prob be ten years later with our children. HA HA. RIGHT.


Laoqian left halfway cuz he had to bookin booo, but we continued, witnessed orang utans PEE OUTRAGEOUSLY. LOL. Super funny. Cabbed down to bei sheng restaurant and waited for them to open while we bridged at kfc. Miss bridge so much sigh those viwawa days. What happened to free times? ): Everyone's like so busy now I dont even dare to ask for bridge anymore. Lol. The dinner was supposed to be something lover liked cuz shes thai and I think we all did enjoy dinner. Super wuhua place and Im sharing it here ( though it might cause more crowd to their business leading to longer waiting time ):): ) ! We had like 2 WHOLE FISH, 1 hotplate tofu, 1 seafood tofu, 1 fried cuttlefish, 1 pineapple fried rice, and 1 tomyum soup, for only 60bucks-.- Practically one of the cheapest places in singapore you can find restaurant-standard food with AIRCON HAHA. Pays to have visited that place since young :D


Bus-ed down to town with the excuse of monsteryeo wanting to buy BAGUS BAG HAHAHHHAHAHA BAGUS, which he did really buy eventually so it wasnt really an excuse. We booked the harry potter movie tickets like 2 weeks back, but I kept lying to her that we would be watching it this week, so she didnt suspect at all, LOL. Sneaked off to collect the movie tics and we trained down to ps for free ice cream at swensens, claiming that theres aircon there so its more comfortable. Ended up the guys "said that they didnt feel like eating ice cream" so we went to the cathay to "buy movie tics for this week's harry potter" HAHA. I acted damn well I even complained about the guys being so fucked up and wasting our time travelling everywhere and deciding not to eat in the end, just so she would believe me. And tadah we walked into the cinema cuz I already got the tics and she was really surprised HAHA. Super funny LOL she keeps saying how she intended to go watch online if she really had to wait till later this week. Would I make you wait so long lover LOLOL


The show was quite awesome of course, I think nicer than the previous parts teehee, though I have no idea why people laughed at some parts that I didnt find was funny at all O.O LOL. Home sweet home after that after a day of running around trying to hide things from her plus surprise her and all :) I hope she did enjoy herself !

I had driving today with the same instructor I had three lessons ago and I felt pretty confident. Haven been to CDC for like 3 weeks already, and I have another 3 more lessons to go before my test on 6august. Super looking forward to it cuz I feel ready to be a driver already ! But then 6 august also means that its AUGUST BLAAAAAAAAA AUGUST IS EVIL

Met thea babe today for a casting and I must say, shes one of the few people in this industry that I have judged to be truly genuine. All these models, arent simple people. Selfish, scheming, cheap, arrogant, hypocritical... You name it, you got it. But not the good stuff. Some pretend to be nice to you, when they are actually just trying to show off-.- Some pretend to be nice to you, but dont eventually do anything to help you. Some pretend to be nice to you, when actually they are trying to seek something FROM you. Others cant even be bothered to be nice to you, they just act as though they are damn zai and high and mighty. Some stoop down to anything just to get what they want, while others dont have basic principles that they follow- They are willing to do just anything. There comes a time when you get pretty grossed out by everything and all these behaviour and you think like hey, maybe theres no one nice or genuine around. But then there comes the sibei nice rare one like thea ! Heh. I respect girls who take modelling as a sideline WHILE juggling studies. Or rather, at least complete your studies or something, instead of just trying to make use of your beauty ( or the lack of it in some sense ) to make up for what you simply cannot be bothered with. Its just... Gross.

And in this line being mixed blood/ caucasian is a freaking advantage. Maybe I should just say Im mixed. Like maybe my grandmother is some other race. Like anyone would know. LOL. But nah, ethics, though quite afew people say I look mixed nowadays :D:D:D Do I LOL. Mixed blood yeah- mixed blood types-.-

It kinda happens in every single relationship, with that I mean friendship and not bgr, where there are ups downs highs lows peaks bottoms... It wont stay stagnant. The passion and fire burns and slowly it dies down and bla.... It just never stops. :/ Kinda frustrating.

August makes me think of school. School is starting. Am I ready, or am I not?

I am so sleepy Im gna die. Its 1.33am now.

I was supposed to do my comcard but I procrastinated about it so much that I realized Im just too lazy to sit down to compile photos into a collage. -_- Too lazy to look through photos to search for the ones I like, too lazy to try to resize them till they fit nicely into a rectangular/square box, just too lazy to get started la WALAOZXZCZSFEZF. So I decided to tackle something else on my to-do list first !

I think Im falling asleep typing, but whatever so long it works and I get stuff off my todolist !

Celebration with supposedly my babies last friday, but ended up it was a scam. Okay actually I was pretty annoyed that zhee couldnt make it and mina would be so late and yet we were still sticking to that date. But to my surprise, mel and limmin jumped out from behind a pillar and shocked me with a helium balloon teehee !!!! :) 1, helium balloons are love, and 2, they are love too ! :) Yay headed for sakura, afterwhich mina joined us and I think Im officially sick of the food at sakura, Didnt really eat much that day compared to the previous times. Instead I drank so much water there hahahaha. But still it was a nice and simple birthday celebration over dinner, afterwhich mel was sent home by RACHEL HAHAHAHAHA OUR INSIDE JOKE ^^ Had a good laugh + cry over the mindmaps they made for me and bahhhhhhhh it just made me think of jc days again. Thankyou sweeties love yall :)


Cheongsam event on saturday, it was an experience I really enjoyed ! :) Grand opening for mazzario, and I got to meet really lovely models, as well as don super chio and expensive dresses heh. I loved both of my dresses, especially the long denim oneeeeeee SUPER CHIO wish I could bring it home ): It was like made for me or something, absolutely fitting on me D: The price super chio also though LOL. The makeup was freaking insane cuz the designer wanted it to be alienish but ohwell, on the whole look it was all pretty and I really liked the makeup artist ! I dont have the pictures though sadly, still waiting for the photographer to be done with it ):


Transformers with monsteryeo after that and I thought it was... Okay. Never have been too fascinated by transformers cuz to me its just power rangers and all. I had more fun staring at my popcorn and picking the sweet ones out like I always do. I merely catched it cuz its a "everyone should catch it" show and yeah. It was so so teehee though I think the female lead is hawtttttttt :D


Had a print ad shoot yesterday which ended really really late. It was kinda.. Different though. Fun looking at the others shoot, yet not exactly fun having to do the shoot with all the... Poses. Poses that are out of the ordinary... But ah Im not supposed to say anything about it so you will see when its out on the billboards around! :) It was fun though, spent most of the time chatting around, and especially happy to have met thea and the other models :) Cool looking at the guys do terribly funny poses too HAHA

Feeling a little uptight that its already mid july cuz school is starting really really soon. Glad however, to have bernice as company for medical check and registration and what not since we will be going to the same school and the same course ! :) Heh. But then again theres a side of me that really feels like running away from all these, from reality. Reality to me, has been playing nonstop for a period far too long for me to face the upcoming reality. D:

And time always reminds me that my driving test is coming really soon. Its like half a month away and I haven gone for driving lessons for more than half a month. LOL. I wonder if I still remember how to drive. And I secretly hope I wont fail. ):

You know sometimes you do things for people, hoping that one day you'll receive the same treatment as well. But some things, you know you never will. It just... isnt a fair trade kinda thing.

Off to complete the other things on my to do list ! UGH STUPID COM CARD.

More often than not, Im really too lazy to sit down and blog about how I really feel and stuff. Even if I have overwhelming thoughts or things that I want to keep as a memory, I just cant seem to bring myself to sit down to complete blogposts. I guess thats probably why almost none of my friends are blogging anymore :S Its just so troublesome sometimes we would rather do nothing and randomly click stuff on facebook and stalk people than sit down to concentrate on a stupid post :S

Well anyway as a short recap since its been about a week since my birthay ( and I have been celebrating it every single day :S ) :) Family dinner at peach garden on friday night cuz it was at a more convenient location and daddy's leg was injured. The food was not bad but if you ask me, not worth it at all. We spent a shocking 206bucks AFTER discount for four. Not really the type that goes for super high grade expensive food so yeah I always weigh whether something is priced reasonably or not and for this, no its not ! :s But still it was a nice and healthy dinner hahaha. Cut cake on sat night, the eve of my birthday :)


Saturday was spent with dearest, doing our fave thing chilling at sentosa ( ironic HAHA sentosa is so NOT chill ) and for the first time ever, it didnt rain ! I always attract the rain when I go to sentosa, there hasnt been once that the rain didnt hit us and tadah last sat was the first exception ever. It was hot ttm wtf and super hard to find a private spot to ourselves after we bought our mat and water from giant at vivo :s Spent the afternoon there talking about things like we always do, gossiping about people and staring at super hot babes and hunks HAHAHA. Wooooooooops it was followed by a little shopping and then dinner after we bathed ( in the showers that kept stopping and produced no water LOLOL ) at asian kitchen teehee ! :) Super love the noodles and the xiaolongbao ! XLB is love :D Had to end the night kinda early though, got some stupid eye infection -.- Must have been the seawater, too many *******(s) jumped in la HAHAHA. It was so bloody red and painful I just had to go home to remove my contact lens like immediately :( But it was still fun with dearest heh she knows my taste the best ! ♥


Went for mr popper's penguins with joseph on monday after he came to pick me up and sent me to settle miscellaneous errands like laminating cards. LOL. It was not bad I think, funny and everything though like any comedy, there isnt much climax or whatsoever. Had dinner at asia grand restaurant at odeon towers, the food was damn good but it cost a bomb so... I prob wouldnt go back there unless mummy took me there or something. Home sweet home after that teehee :)


Met beloved PMS on tuesday ( which includes lober AGAIN HAHAHA BUT I MISS HER ALREADY ) for xlb buffet at holland veeeelige teehee ! Couldnt get a later timing so we had to settle for the earliest one but it was good as usual. Had 30 XLBS HAHAHHAHAHAH IMBA NOT LOL. And alot of luncheon meat + ramen + soup hehehe. But 30 xlbs is no joke I stopped after that and refused to eat even one more. Love everything there though, the service wasnt as slow as on weekends so yay (Y) :) Frolick ( again wtf I had it 3 days in a row ) , afterwhich we went to coffee bean to chillax and play cards teehee :D


After like dno how many months, finally met mich dearrrr :) It was just a simple birthday lunch treat but we caught up alot since the last time we met. Things that happen, incidents that happen to people. They pretty much overlap and all. Sometimes we wish for the same things, dont we? :) Just that bit of comfort and security. But people flaw, it just.. Isnt as possible for every single person.


Gna meet my babies later at sakuraz! I hope I dont get too fat cuz I will just die in the cheongsam store opening tomorrow :/ SOOOO lazy to paint my nails also SIGH. PLUS study and read up about the companyz zomg D:

Alot of times in life, you FIGHT for what you want. You dont just get what you want to get. Even when you fight, you mightn't succeed. But at least you'd know like, Hey I fought.

This birthday's probably, no, definitely, would have to be the best Ive had in my 19 years of living. Especially ever since Ive grown up and started to take control of my own life as well as started to plan things and organize events for people, I haven really felt the kick of birthdays. But this time round thus far, I really feel the happiness you get seeing people put in effort for you, and go the extra mile just to surprise you :) Ive undoubtedly had the best birthday of my life. :)

I'd probably not go according to the order of date, as to how I celebrated my birthday. Instead, I thought I'd keep this moment with me forever, as I recall how I got surprised by my special ones one hour past 12am on my birthay itself :) I did suspect that they were up to something and did picture them appearing at my doorstep- Maybe its cuz thats what I always hoped people would do for me :) But till it was a little past 12, like say 1230 and lover was still talking to me online, I thought they werent coming and that was about it. But moments later I received a phone call and there were three silly people singing a birthday song for me over the phone and asking me to open the door. HAHA. I was expectedly yet unexpectedly surprised, but over the moon :) I dont know but I just felt that this takes effort, alot of it so thankyou my dears :D Cannot express how happy I was HAHA


Surprise number 2- They got me everything revelant to what I wanted. LOL. Polaroid cammm wheee ( I expect lots of film wasting occasions :S ), charles and keith voucher(sssssss), a survival kit HAHAHA and love letters ! :) We spent the night dno doing what ( I think we played bridge?? ) and caught only like an hour of two of sleep before we headed for laoqian's pop the following morning. Didnt manage to see mi boy or superman though :/ Headed separate ways for a bit until we met up again at vivo ( I'll skip everything in between cuz it was just chaotic/confusing/problematic :S ) and I thought we were going to uss but I didnt expect we would REALLY go there HAHAHAHA. Yayyyyyyyyy super happy not only cuz we went to uss, but cuz I went with my special group of loved ones :)


We took ALL the rides hahahaha all the way from 130pm to 8pm ! :) It was just awesome and different from the time I spent with mummy, daddy and nigel almost exactly a year back. Well I guess thats the difference between friends and family ! Undoubtedly, it was a thrilling birthday for me since I took battlestar galatica on my own. LOL. -.- Super proud of myself teehee, it was damn fun though, especially human ! Cyclone just made me feel like puking. Dinner at asian kitchen after that and it was yummmmmmmmmmmmmy too :D


USS reminds me of genting. It makes me miss the genting days. Actually I really want to go overseas with my special ones again. ANYWHERE would do actually. I just like how we stay up late to do nothing and refuse to sleep cuz we're overseas. HAHA okay or maybe only I like that, I remember how I forced them to stay awake in genting. LOL. I really wonder if we'll be able to go overseas at the end of this year sighhhhhh I hope we will :/

Beloved special ones, thankyou for everything. Thankyou for putting the effort to make me feel like for once, there are people who are willing to do something for me, for letting me feel surprised instead of the usual doing the surprise for others. I can feel all the love, in every little thing you guys did thankyou soooooooooooo much love you all to bits

Days like these, I feel as though PMS is heading my way. There are days you wished that you were a grown up. Or maybe its cuz theres just so many things I refuse to do at my age. I dont really feel like a proper grown up yet, at 19. During moments when I feel lonely and confused about my life as a whole, I just wish someone could tell me exactly what is coming up for me. I just wish I knew what was gonna happen next, wish I knew what I could do to make myself better, wish I would stop making wrong choices.

There are just so many thoughts in my mind. I thought I could get away with it but it all comes back to me once everyone is asleep. Four hours ago I felt the same, just a little better and there came a little comfort here and there. It somehow gives me alot of comfort to be talking to people I used to regard alot about. People like mi boy.... :) Its nice to have people catch up with you once in awhile.

And I thought about he-who-should-not-be-thought-about.

I think I need to sleep. Blog about everything else about my birthday when I wake up! :) I hope I'll be happier tomorrow! :)

Its 4am but I dont feel like sleeping.

I mean Im sleepy and all but after browsing through some photos on facebook and looking at some profiles, dang Im thinking about alot of things again. I (secretly) think newsfeed sucks. Sometimes you dont want to know about things, or dont want to get reminded of things/people but they just appear and pop up on your newsfeed. Ridiculous things that people say, unreasonable things that they think... Dang reading those just makes your blood boil -.- And the best thing is, they arent even "top" news please?!

Before I entered the modelling industry, I always doubted about the expectations of a "beauty queen" or something along that line, thinking that they only have the looks, but dont have the brains nor confidence nor charisma nor ability to even speak coherently. Now that I am in the industry, I realize that the focus has somewhat shifted. If you ask me, "beauty queens" should at least have some sort of beauty? Yeah probably that definition is subjective and different to different people but... At least not when you look like THAT? -.- And the best thing is that they are so full of themselves thinking that they are oh so awesome.

Or maybe I just look down on people who cross the limits way too much just to achieve what they want. I dont care if its their choice, its also my choice to judge them the way I want to.

Annoying things aside, I met lover yesterday for dinner at holland village so as to commemerate her job attachment, cuz I promised to go to her office area to keep her company for lunch/dinner :S Ended up that stupid girl paid for my early birthday dinner when I went to the washroom. SHE DID THAT LAST YEAR TOO. EXACTLY THE SAME. LOL. Still, crystal jade la mian xiao long bao is still as awesome as ever :) Super miss the xlb buffet hahahaha we were talking about it the entire time and mustttttt go back soon !!!! :) Haven been there for like four months I think ! We tried wendy nuggets after that and it was not bad but expensive and not worth it. At all. Didnt spend much time but I think it was enough for birthday celebration part one ( totally unplanned ) and she tricked me. TERRIBLY. I totally fell for it 100% cuz I trusted her and everything she said was pretty typical and possible of her ( though it might not be possible for other people HAHAHAHHA ) and dang I KNEW IT BUT I STILL TRUSTED HER. I cant believe I got tricked cuz Im highly suspicious of people and I hardly ever get tricked -_-


Is half a year a long period of time? Ive spent half a year doing nothing. It doesnt seem like alot. But for half a school year, it seems like alot. Its pretty amazing though. Ever since A levels ended, Ive travelled to hongkong, taiwan, bintan and genting. Ive started and finished learning driving ( but yet to pass my test ): ) , started modelling and witnessed and insane amount of stuff for myself, attempted to work but failed hahahaha, spent alot of times with my friends and tadah, all these months are over. If I think of it this way, yes six months is a long time. Its so scary how it passed by so quickly.

Sometimes I feel like I dont know what Im doing. Other times, I feel like Im not doing enough. Otherwise, I feel like Im not doing right. Nothing I do seems to be something Im sure of, something that I know is right and something that I know will work out. Sometimes I feel like breaking out of my comfort zone and principles I set for myself, to accept things, to be less critical. But at the end of the day... I just cant. I want to, but I cant.

I really really really want to blog but Im just so lazy to pen everything down letter for letter, word for word. There were afew occasions on the past few nights when I just wanted to pen down what I was thinking, even though no one really visits my blog besides those stupid tagboard spammers, but there are times when you just feel like... You wanna say something, on your own little platform. But gahhhhh I was just so lazy -.-

There were times during the past few days when so much so much crossed my mind. Maybe its repetitive to what I have already blogged before, or maybe Ive gotten additional perspectives. But in me, there just seems to be an overwhelming amount of feelings once my trigger point is reached.

Maybe its cuz Ive been watching shows these few days ( specifically autumn concerto OKOK I KNOW IM SLOW LOL ) and it made me feel like... Reality is nothing like a drama. Cliche-ly speaking, reality probably reflects a drama. But dramas ALWAYS end off happy, but reality doesnt turn out to be that way. Reality is somewhat cruel and hey, if reality really shadows a drama, I'd think that all pain and suffering is worth it. Sacrifice, love, care- Genuine, without hesitation. But its sad how it wont happen, and well when tears come along it reminds me of everything worth being sad about -.-

Or maybe its cuz its the end of june, which means theres only a month left to august, the beginning of school. I think Ive mentioned this before but its scaring me more and more to think of the fact that school is gonna start, AFRESH, STRANGE, without familiar faces, without dependable people. Not knowing who to be wary of, and who is worth a friendship with. Not knowing if someone would come and tell you ( we ) ( love ) ( you ) when youre crying, or if someone would actually help you with your work when you miss school, or if anyone would know what youre talking about when you say you wanna cp. I know that whining doesnt help, nor does it help to change anything, but meh, I really dont dare to think how school will be like without my babies, without 7a, without my familiar comfort zone. Yes I know I'll make friends but GAHHHH, it still scares me to think of school life without them. Bu ke yiiiiii :'(

OR maybe its cuz my birthday is approaching. Its just a couple of days to third of july and gah Im feeling eeky about it. I mean yeah I know its like, birthday NIA, but it kinda signifies how I officially turn 19 and how Im one step closer to becoming a grownup, and having to handle greater responsibilities, think about things that weigh much more than whatever bothers me now. It may be something more than that, though.

OR maybe its cuz Im just feeling lonely and restless without company. No one to stay up till 5am with me, no one to talk cock with me on msn.... Changes, are inevitable. Since a long time ago, Ive had my share of company, having fun doing various things together. But since a long time ago, at different periods of time, it has been different people taking up these roles. The world is moving on, and time simply stops for no one. After some time, things just fade away, easier than you think it would.


I pretty much did NOTHING the past few days, besides meeting lober on thursday to buy look choop at golden mile, followed by shopping at bugis ( HAHAHA SO HAPPY TO SEE HER BUYING STUFF :X ) and then dinner :) Besides that I spent saturday catching up with guanhao after I haven seen him for years, and had my first ever lunch at coffee bean. Coffee bean isnt too bad actually, its not entirely about coffee, which is good cuz I hate coffee HAHA


And... I will probably be doing nothing much the next few days as well. LOL. I hate this restless feeling but there is really NOTHING for me to do -.-

Okay before I go, dont you think this is beautifullllllllll (:

Its 4.20am in the middle of a night now, and Im wondering what Im doing awake. On rainy nights like these, I feel especially full of thoughts. The rain always seems to affect my mood and trigger my brain activity. What would you be thinking in your mind, on a rainy night like this? ( Or would you actually be sleeping like most people would hahahahahahaha )

I was just looking at some photos on facebook and began wondering again about girls doing lingerie shoots and what not. I know its like the 21st century now, but I still cannot get how girls can accept letting photographers ogle at them and what not. I mean there are some professional shoots, but you can easily tell a professional shoot apart from an unprofessional one. Why then, are photographers so much more interested in bikini / lingerie shoots? How does it help them display their professionalism in phototaking more? Sigh. Why cant this just be a pure industry the way I wished it was D:

Finally met superglue today after a good three months plus. I dont know why we always fail to meet more often grrrr, even though we stay sooooooo near each other. At the same time, maybe the location of her school explains why it takes even more effort to meet but ohwellz, just glad that we still do :) Just a simple afternoon with her for no particular reason for our meetup, had lunch at hongkong cafe at cine, the first place I ever tried hongkong cafe in my life hahahaha. Reminiscised and caught up about stuff, before walking to heeren to check something out and going back to cine again for suki sushi. We had so much food teehee, at super reasonable pricessssss so Im kinda predicting that we will go back again soon, the next time we meet. HAHA. It sure feels good spending time with someone that seems like a sister, a sister that you may not spend everyday talking to but whom you enjoy spending every precious moment with :)


Couldnt exactly spend alot of time with her cuz she had to leave in the evening so we parted ways when monsteryeo reached, following which we met lober and korkor dearie. Caught "something borrowed" at cine, which was an awesome-ly awesome show. I mean for guys to say that romance shows are nice, I think it certainly means something. ( especially since guys are just creatures whose lives revolve around dota all day long LOL ) And for me to sit still without eating a single thing for 2 hours and yet not realizing that 2hours passed just like that, it means something as well. HAHA. Its gonna be pretty much of a spoiler if you haven watched it yet so if you are intending to ( which you probably should ) please dont go on reading. LOL. "Its a thin line between love and friendship" doesnt really suit the show though, cuz its not as if they arent sure whether it was love or friendship, they just didnt know about their feelings for one another. But I think the show was so real, it made so much sense. Is it about doing what you should, or doing what you want? Many at times, you dont dare to take the risk cuz you do what you should, for fear of risking of losing people/things/statuses... But shouldnt life be able living it the way you want it to be? Then again, who determines whats right/wrong, whats should/shouldnt? I dont like how Ethan ended up alone though, he was a nice guy ! And I dont like how dex couldnt make up his mind but still ended up with rachel -_- It just doesnt work like that. When you cant make up your mind, you pretty much end up with nothing, not something to your liking.


Have you ever gone down a road, far down and wondered, maybe it wasn’t what you want?

But anyway that aside, the show was awesome. Go catch it.

Sigh it irks me that july is around the corner. 1, i hate it that my birthday is coming and Im ready ( or not ) for all the upcoming disappointments already. 2, it reminds me about how quickly uni is about to begin and 3, it reminds me that my special ones are gna start school already and Im gna be all alone again. WHY DO THEIR HOLIDAYS END SO QUICKLY?

Ohwell, the empty soul needs to go to bed now. Its gonna be 5am soon goshzxzxz goodnightyz~

Sometimes I wish my thoughts can get posted down without having to go to blogger and compose a blogpost all by myself from scratch. LOL. I need a... A thought catcher HAHAHAHAHA, too many thoughts running around my mind all the time, too lazy to jot it all down and poof it escapes ! HAHAHAHAHA.

A super heavy load off my mind today- I finally managed to book my driving test date :) I dont like how cdc is so dictatorial about how many lessons more I should take, its like they are out to earn my money more than anything else. Like really it isnt logical to get someone who doesnt know me/my progress to recommend how many more lessons I need -.- Nevertheless, having completed all my modules, its not like I actually have a choice so yay, 6august here I comeeeeee and I wont spend a single cent more on the stupid school cuz I WILL PASS MY TP :D :D I just hope I wont feel the jitters as the date comes nearer D:

As Im turning 19 in just about 11 days' time, it feels like everything is getting more important. Every little thing in my life isnt just like anything or whatever, its like...... They all matter. Regardless of how little or great something may seem, it seems more important to set it all to perfection and success. Every failure seems to weigh more now cuz theres always a voice in me saying "hey you are no longer a little girl. go all out to do the best you can, dont accept anything but the best from yourself". It just feels as though I can do better cuz Im older already. Being young used to be an excuse for everything, but not anymore.

I dont need anything materialistic in my life. At 19, I think Im pretty mature in this aspect. HAHA. I think if you can carry something off well, you just can. You can be someone very charismatic carrying a bag of a normal brand and have people wonder where you got your bag from. Or, you can be someone that cannot carry off a branded bag and have people wonder if whatever youre carrying is even authentic. Which would you prefer? Anyway does it even matter? I am SO thankful Im not blindly blind conscious. Yes I am saying this in a sacarstic manner. Are you guilty of it?

I think nothing beats the acknowledgement from your friends and family that they care. Letters with heartfelt words mean much more than gucci wallets and what not-.-

But then again, birthdays make me scared. Afraid of disappointment, afraid of expectations. I wish expectations never made their presence in this aspect. Mega ultimately annoying. Wellllllllll all I hope is for a HAPPY birthday this year :) My last 1x birthday SOBZ. Okay actually I dont want to NOT be 18 ): Shao nu shi ba yi duo hua, 19 not hua already :( :( :(

Thoughts, thoughts and thoughts. I spent my last birthday with dearest, in fact I spent my birthday with her for the past two years. Met her on saturday afew days back to shop at bugis hahahaha. Our favourite ! Like we always say, its not about being tan xiao pian yi, but rather being smart about how we shop. Since we almost dont wear our clothes for more than once ever, whats the point of going for branded clothes ( OF WHICH TAGS ARE INSIDE NOT OUTSIDE, MEH. ) ? Hahahahaha love shopping at bugis with her ! Damn fun we always criticise this and that, compare prices and what not and we bought same shirts again :) :) Didnt walk for long cuz she was tired, and so we headed for mong kok hk cafe for dinner, where we just had our usual catch up session :) Attempted to try something new, some double boiled soup with noodles but eew it was just lousy. Maggi mee soup more than double boiled soup -_-


Father's day was on sunday but meh, no pictures cuz apparently I dont think guys really like to take pictures, nor do they like to like celebrate events and stuff. Lol. Kinda weird cuz as a girl I totally like to celebrate everything. Even nothing to celebrate also can find things to celebrate hahahahaha. It was just a simple celebration dinner at pow sing, nomnom as good as ever ! I enjoyed everything and almost died eating cuz dinner was only 4hours after a heavy sakura buffet lunch with my special ones :) It was tough trying to find a date that laoqian actually booked out + everyone was free but it was all worth it ! Reasonable price + alot alot alot of food hahahahaha ate until we almost died wheee. 5KG5KG5KG LOL. Inside joke hahahahaha. Lober was literally bian zou bian chi, she totally doesnt need a seat teehee. Nothing much to talk about though cuz it was basically purely busy eating LOL


And after almost exactly a year since the last time I went to jb was a year ago on my birthday itself, I managed to go into jb again, this time with lober, korkor dearie and monsteryeo! :) It was a terribly early morning to have to wake up but it was all worth the trip ! We kinda took the long way though, not knowing that there were other buses that could take us directly to checkpoint, though now we do ! We travelled a long way to reach little india to gather and then took a long bus ride all the way to checkpoint again -_- It was a good 30+km wth, though it really didnt feel like we travelled that far when we eventually reached. Took 170 all the way in till we finally reached city square mall and the first thing we did - Lunch ! HAHAHAHA IT WAS SO DAMN CHEAP LESS THAN RM100 for the entire meal and we had soooo many dishes in ke ren lai restaurant :) I think its a pretty good deal at a place of that standard, considering that its probably the safest place you can be in jb :) Love eating places like this WHY SINGAPORE SO EXPENSIVE even coffeeshop also cant beat the price -_-


Walked around and attempted to shop for stuff, we actually got similar tees, all four of us ! HAHA. Lober got it in grey, korkor dearie's in black, monsteryeo's in white and mine in yellow ! Super cool vip pass shirt HAHAHAHA YAY WE CAN WEAR TGT ! I cant believe we actually got a special shirt tgt LOL. Cant wait to wear it out together yay ! Got super cheap denim shorts alsooooooooo hahahahhaha glad I took the risk :) Arcade for some games, even their token damn damn damn cheap wth like half the price of sg -.- We headed off for tebrau city shopping centre after that just to explore around cuz its supposedly the biggest shopping centre in jb, and the ride there was pretty scary. We met crazy scammers on the overhead bridge which I really dont wanna talk about, and travelled there via a bumpy and dubious bus ride. Nothing much there but ohwell, we managed to spend an awesome time going crazy at toys r us LOL. We went back after touring the place for abit cuz it was dinner time but there wasnt anything much to eat, so we settled for swensens ( aka seasons -.- ) back at city square ! Like seriously, sgd 5+ for a main course + soup -.- Where to findzxzxzzz. Super didnt feel like leaving the city of cheap food but ohwell we headed back after that and korkor dearie lost his phone on the way bahhhhhhhhhhhhh curse you stupid person who refused to return it !


I mean seriously, how would you feel when you lose something important? You'd wish that the person will return it right? SO WITH ALL THESE BAD KARMA HOW WOULD YOU EVEN EXPECT ANYONE TO RETURN ANYTHING TO YOU WHEN YOU REFUSED TO RETURN SOMEONE'S PHONE YOU TELL ME. I hope you drop the phone and the phone spoils SO YOU CANT GET ANYTHING FROM IT. Why people so bad one !!!!

If only the world was kinder. Speaking of which, these few days I kinda realized that I judge people wrongly. In the modelling industry, its each for her own but... There are people who arent selfish, and are willing to share. And those that I thought would, are those that just pretend that they are more than willing to share WHEN there is the chance ( OH RIGHT YOU TOTALLY WOULD ) , while those that I thought wouldnt immediately shared their sources. Damn I feel so bad to have judged.

But of course, some cheap ones are still as cheap as ever. Its damn obvious really, when some people get jobs after some shots are taken. What link do you expect me to establish between the two?

Havent seen superglue in 3mths wtf, finally gna meet her tomorrow yayness, followed by SOMETHING BORROWED WITH MY SPECIAL ONES YAY. Its a thin line between love and friendship. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA IVE BEEN SAYING THAT SINCE FOREVER.

Time for the kevin cheng hk show :) Toodles ! :)

Time really isnt giving me a break, I dont even feel it but its been about half a month since I last blogged. I remember wanting to blog about zhee's birthday breakfast the last time I posted and I thought I'd do it really soon, but ended up now its already 16june -.- In an attempt to revive my dying blog and update on afew interesting happenings for the first half of june ( wtf last post I typed I CANT BELIEVE ITS JUNE BUT NOW ITS HALF OF JUNE ) , plus release some of my thoughts and feelings here while Im feeling pretty troubled these days, I shall do up a post while trying to multi task watching a drama. HAHA

Instead of going by the usual dates in chronological order, I think I'll just blog according to whatever comes to my mind ! Gna try to attempt to finish up as much as I can before I start to get busy for whatever reason it might be :) Had zhee's belated birthday celebration on 29th may, super coolios cuz for the first time ever, we had breakfast ! HAHA. Madness. Like really who has BREAKFAST for celebration hahahaha but then no choiceeeee since everyone has 3001 commitments D: ): It was a pretty new experience though, as we played monop deal while having long johns for breakfast, before exploring nex ( first time for jo and mina -_- ) and finally trying out the bak kut teh there nomnom not bad ! But hated how the cups were so small zzzzzz the bowl was puny ! Quite a cool birthday celebration with pokka green tea theme I think HAHA


Speaking of babies, I met them again yesterday for a pool session, but this time without baby#3 zhee cuz she has to work HAHA. Pooled at bukit timah plaza and I must say it was pretty cheap compared to the places at town and yadah yadah, and the quality of the tables arent like lousy shit or whatever ^^ I quite likey the place and I think baby#1 and #2 had a fruitful learning session full of angles LOL. Nomnom there at some shitass place not worth mentioning before we headed for six avenue to find a tzechar place which kinda disappeared. I swear it was there last time coach brought us there... Ohwellz. Ended up at the beauty world side where baby#3 joined us after her work and we settled for thai spice cuisine or sth sth :X Forgot the exact name but it goes something like that ! The food was quite good I must say, pretty worth the price :D I like the vermicelli and fried riceeee but the tomyam was just so soooo. Kinda concluded that tomyam is not exactly my kinda soup :S But I enjoyed the calamari also yay ! We decided that yesterday was not really a gathering cuz we didnt take burst shots. I dont know what logic is that but to us, no burst shots = not a gathering. LOL so we did not meet yesterday ( right. )


Once in awhile I would look back into the past and think about people I used to be close to, or rather, closer to.. And I always do find it a pity that people drift apart. Yes its a hard fact but true story, people drift apart. No matter how close they are, regardless of how many promises they made, the moment they start taking everything for granted, the moment they start weighing and comparing things... Things start to fall apart. Thus I feel scared, scared that things between me and what I currently have will fall apart, cuz history's bound to repeat, we make mistakes over and over again- the same ones. I dont want to complicate things but what if it becomes like that? Ohwell

Anyway back to where I was, I finally met up with dearest after 300 years, last wed after driving lessons teehee, where we went to catch kungfu panda 2. It brings back alot of memories and means alot to me cuz we caught part one together, approximately three years back, during may 2008 and it was our very first movie together :) Sometimes its how we see things I guess, I can say Im counting my blessings that we still managed to catch part 2 together and have an awesome catchup session over lunch at aoba hokkaido ramen ( which I will never go back to again HAHA not nicez ) without feeling a teeny weeny bit of awkwardness :) Cant wait for our shopping trip this saturday hehhhhhh :)


Another group would definitely be with my PMS :) Even though I meet lover alot alot alot, we have been hanging out with pegz alot less. Maybe cuz of her busy school work, or maybe cuz we just didnt make the effort to enough :( But nevertheless I still feel glad we managed to meet up for cycling at ecp after my driving lesson, where we cycled all the way to changi and back and wanted to die on the way back. I really wanted to die I swear IT WAS SO TERRIBLE -_- LOL had a rewarding dinner at bedok85 after that and we heard that the place is gna be renovated already omgz =( Saddddddddd I LIKE THE PLACE SO MUCHZZZZZZZZ MEH. Cant imagine not having bakchormee to eat for damn long. D: Back home to play cluedo before we went out again to have jalan kayu prata HAHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE I HAVE NEVER EATEN JALAN KAYU PRATA BEFORE. I likeyz !!! The mee goreng was not bad but I dont like all the vege and what not D: Had a nice chat before we went to beddddddd teehee I like it so much ! Girl talk over a sleepy sleepy night :) Likeyz sleepover we need to do this moar!!!!


Today's granny's birthday, and she will definitely x10000 not see this but I still want to wish her a very happy birthday, and that she will remain as healthy and lively as she is :) I cant really describe my love for granny cuz... She is someone that I dont see as often as I see my friends/my parents, but yet someone that I know means alot alot alot to me. Seeing grandpa like that scares me and breaks my heart even more the way it affects her. Happy that she managed to enjoy the sakura buffet lunch at yio chu kang last sunday ( which was freaking awesome HAHAHAHA please go to yck branch if you are going to sakura ! ) despite all the shit that has been happening all these time and really, all I hope is for her to be healthy and happy :)


I spent so much time with my special ones that I cant even remember already. Lol. Meeting them seems to be such a norm now that I dont even take photos everytime ( which will definitely make some people happy hahahahahaha ) but well I will try ! Ktv with them last friday on the tenth at family ktv which I found was pretty worth, considering it was only 10bucks nett for five hours and with unlimited drinks ^^ I likey ! Heh. We had dinner at the same restaurant we went with peg the last time round but we ordered much more this time yay and ate THE cheap xiaolongbao at smith food centre before we went for our ktv session :D Super satisfying :) Awesome momentz with awesome people !


Besides that we caught pirates of the carribean ( LIKE FINALLY ) on dno which day LOL, only remember that it was at nex with monsteryeo and korkor dearie and we had ramen play for dinner nomnom :D Bak kut teh after that that I mentioned above and... I really dont remember HAHAHA SOMEBODY WANTS ME TO SAY THAT I HAVE STM BUT NO I AM GONNA REFUSE TO LOL its just too difficult to remember every little detail zzz.


Hangover 2 yesterday together with lober, monsteryeo and korkor dearie after lunch at xinwang lolzxzxz tried something new but their fish bee hoon really cmi wth -.- Got daddy's present , after which we walked around and yay caught our movie ! Sooooooooo funny LOL hardly hear lober laugh so much in a show HAHAHA it was gross though. LOL. But that aside it was really funny teeehee ! Worth the watch :) Why is it m18 and not r21? :O We had flying chillies for dinner at 313 and it is from the same culinary group as the one I visited with lober at vivo two mondays ago ! Both have got equally nice fried rice, since it was the only thing we tried at the other side. I dont really like like the tomyam soup compared to other normal soup but I guess it was not bad ! The vermicelli was not bad too but baaaa I think its not worth the price, super ex considering the amount we ate -.- The tofu was not bad tooo but yeah prob not worth going backz :) The one at vivo's more worth it! Kinda into thai food these days for some weird reason D:


Cant remember the little bits and pieces of places we went to and such LOL GOT SO MANYZ but I remember visiting cafe cartel for the very first time with the laoqianz, monsteryeo and korkor dearie on the fourth, after my audition :) It went well but cannot be disclosed so I will not disclose it till... The time is right. Pretty excited though ! :) Speaking of which, I cannot understand how the criteria of "pretty" is fulfilled these days. Theres this someone I really really really cannot appreciate LOL OMG IF SHE GETS IN SHES PROB GNA BECOME THE NEXT RIS LOW LOL. Not that I wanna say but.. bah, she really has neither the character nor the intelligence nor the substance nor the looks. -.-' Okay nevermind so cafe cartel is awesome as I was saying !!! The free flow bread thing is just awesomeeeeeee and so was the pasta with fish, though I would have preferred the fish to be breaded like new york new york's ):

Welllllll I think thats pretty much abt it for nowz. Cant recall anything else AND NO I DO NOT HAVE STM HAHAHAHA. Driving has taken up pretty much all of my mornings for the past week and I am super proud to say that since my last post, I am done with all my modules. LOL. Aka I am ready for my tp but I cannot book my test date yet ( -.- ) cuz I haven passed my ftt, which I fortunately managed to get a test date tmrw. Pretty afraid I wont pass it cuz of the pressure of having to pass it or I wont be able to get a test date for tp before august like I am hoping I would :/ Meh. It really means so much that I went back to school today for an etrial test I painstakingly managed to camp for just now though I was running a fever. And I STILL got lost on my way to cdc after going there like 300 times. Lol -.- My sense of direction is like... (Y) ^^

Worked for my first event ever last saturday and it was pretty fun meeting chloe ! Slack job also HAHAHAHA ADVANTAGES OF THIS INDUSTRY LOL. And I won myself something really huangmiu but well since it was a gift and is a credit for someone who appreciates my sense of STYLE I shall not attempt to complain. Oh and this reminds me I revisited streets hongkong cafe for my horfun and yumz still as good as 2 years ago at imm with lober :D:D

Been running a fever these few days and my post is way too long ( though I might actually still have stuff to blog about but I'll leave it for tmrw when I have too much time to waste at cdc ) so I shall stop here. It doesnt exactly feel nice to have a temp of 38 degrees at night and see 34.sth degrees on the thermometer in the morning. Damn weird.

Too much have been happening but sometimes I think I need time to measure and weigh and find out what is it I really want. I just keep... procrastinating. Aka running away.

Omg its kinda freaking me out that its first of june already! D: Its been a good 7months since a levels ended omg but I totally dont feel it at all lol. I cant really remember doing much these 7 months, apart going on a few short trips, to taiwan, hongkong, bintan, genting.... And basically everything else doesnt seem to have taken up much time. How did time just fly past like that? And in just 2 mths time its time for uni OMGOMASDOFMAOFMASODFMAOSFD.

I was really excited for uni to begin during a period of time when everyone started school or was working and I was bored alone at home. But then I start to realize that uni beginning doesnt exactly signify company :/ Im pretty scared cuz I dont know anyone from our class or hwachong going to nus fass :( Even so nus fass is so huge I'll probably have to start afresh, like afresh. The last time I started afresh was like in secondary school......... Sigh. All the strangeness. Even though Im gna be open about it and make sure uni will be a bang of my life, theres still this fear lolololol. And of course, procrastination for school to start. Afterall, school to me, pretty much just encompassed my babies and 7a. It just seems weird for school NOT to encompass them anymore :'( Cant imagine that school will no longer be sitting with my babies in a row of only 5 tables, that I will no longer be given the task of bringing food to feed the class, that there will be no irritating guys behind our row who disturbs nonstop........ What is school defined to you?

Depressing thoughts, lol. That aside for a bit, I went for my first driving lesson yesterday ! Yes finally after 300 years cuz daddy's back and he randomly spoke to mummy to let me learn so they just came in to tell me, hey go book driving lessons, outta the blue moon. LOL. Its a good thing though its like they are finally out of objecting against me learninggggggggggg. If right at the start they never objected I'll prob be driving on the road right now already. But ohwell, better late than never and Im pretty crazy about chionging the lessons... Like five lessons for the first week alone lol ! Its fun and exciting though, something to put my heart into after I haven put my heart into anything for a long long time.

I realized that day that Ive been spending my fridays with my special ones, either all of them or at least one or two of them. Previous week was dinner at ion with monsteryeo at menya kaiko ( their ramen is still as awesome as ever PLEASE go try it :D ), while the most recent friday, lober, korkor dearie, monsteryeo and myself had dinner at nanxiang steamed bun restaurant at bugis junction. Man it was something I wanted to try for a long long time but didnt get the chance to. It was..Disappointing though ! LOL. The noodles soup was good, but the huge xiao long bao which I call da long bao...Was weird. It was purely soup in a thick lump of flour and after sucking up all the soup you realize that theres nothing left inside LOLWTH. NYDC ( Nanyang DC HAHAHAHAHA INSIDE JOKE LOLOL ) for dessert after dinner and for my very first visit there, I must say the brownie is damn good ! The rest is just.. blah.


Got the value set thing from sephora with soooooooo many eyeshadow colours HAHAHAHAHA it makes me damn happy cuz its so pretty! Lober and monsteryeo keep saying they can get it from popular at tenbucks cuz it looks like those poster palettes lol -.- Met laoqian and korkor dearie after that and we went for dinner at paradise dynasty teehee ! the queue was uber long but we got there anyway, and it was a wait all worth it ;) Wheee the xiaolongbao is awesome as ever ! So is the ramen I LOVEEEEEE HAHAHA I LOVE THE PLACE SO MUCH :) Was supposed to spend the night out walking around town cuz lober wanted to catch the night rider but we ended up at centrepoint macs :X Walking isnt much of the problem, its the weather dont you think ! But it was so hot there we shifted to lucky plaza macs teehee ! We played (neopets game hahaha) cheat and after afew rounds everyone was cheating throughout-.- LOL. Ended off our night with slapjack which got hands all bruised and scratched and all HAHAHAAHA the macs staff even chided us for being too noisy. It was damn fun though super high LOL AND lober managed to get her night rider home :)


Spent sunday with my babies but I'll leave it to the next post cuz its too wordy already !

One last thought... Who is it that is worth caring for? I really wonder. Yes, people show their care, love and concern in different ways. But then, theres really only one way you can show that you dont care, and dont give a damn. Really. Maybe, sometimes instead of saying it, SHOW it. Dont say you care and show that you dont. It really makes people think twice about you.

Okay Im done here ! Time to... Get some grooming done ;) AND camp my cdc web for more booking slots ( DANG is everyone really so free I think there are tonnes of people camping for slots siaz LOL )

Sometimes certain things remind us of the past, bring us back to when we were once young. Some may not be the best memories- thats when you get the nostalgic but upsetting moments ; While others, bring you back fond and innocent memories. Those days when the simplest of things could make you happy, those days when the issues that worried and bugged us were actually the tiniest of things that shouldnt even have weighed anything.

Previous nights were upsetting- I blame that on PMS. Tonight, it brought back fond memories, but of course, set me back thinking as well.

Things used to be so simple. When I was younger, it was all about..... Idk, gaming? Although I didnt use to see neopets as a game as much as I saw of maple and what not, but afterall it is a game. In that case, I probably spent mylife from primary school playing neopets, followed by gunbound and then darkeden, and finally maple. I'd like to see those as cheap thrills. From being a personal best score of meerca chase in neopets, to aiming super accurately and doing major damage to opponents in gunbound, to killing vampires and slaying off their heads to sell for money ( wtf ) in darkeden, to camping in maps to chiong hours and hours a day in maple..... All those were cheap thrills ( excluding maple,maple was an expensive thrill LOL ) :O But those were simple times, or at least simpler times.

Now we think about.... When the world will end? How to cope with life and everything..... Its like comparing something really minor with something really major.

Haha okay I know this doesnt conclude anything or doesnt have much significance but hey, dont you miss those days? Those days when things were less about everyone else, but more about the cheap thrills in your own life? Sometimes I like being alone, cuz I dont have to bother and think and infer and get myself all so tired about everything. Bah. But well I guess thats what we grow up for !

As Im aging ( HAHA ) my memory gets worse so before I actually forget about what happened when and whatever, had my very first badminton session with my special ones! After eating like ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ( mos burger + sharks fin soup + alot of fish cake + bread at tampines with lober and monsteryeo while waiting for korkor dearie ) , we went for a sweat-inducing session of badminton which brought back lots of old injuries. Cant even remember when was the last time I exercised, if you exclude cycling. It was a good workout though! Meh. The only thing I dont like's that theres no water cooler or food court or whatsoever you can buy water from -.- We went for a rewarding dinner after that, bak kut teh teehee! Theres so much more to try at balestier zomgzfesfiajei. Our usual slacking bridge session at macs after that HAHA I am freaking in love with macs' fries D:


Dinner at bukit timah's mad jack on sunday with the same group of special ones, after dessert with monsteryeo and korkor dearie at ps. The dessert at the store at b1's not bad ! But nothing really special I would say :O Mad jack was pretty much disappointing bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh but I enjoyed reverso at island creamery after that ! Oh and it was pretty funny how lober embarassed herself multiple times at mad jack LOL I bet people thought she was mad- Literally. We had macs AGAIN AFTER THAT OMGSDFIZFZIFEFE. Got down to applying for pdl ( like finally ) on monday and met monsteryeo for dinner after that at fishmanhatten before rushing off hurriedly for goddamn dental cuz of an emergencyugh.

When can disasters stop falling upon me?

I really hate photoshop. Why is it even invented anyway -.- To turn imperfection into perfection? Or to hide the ugly side of a person? Its so deceiving and fake someone just signed in and her picture is totally....................... Not her please. Editted ttm x10000 unless she went for a plastic surgery.

Good photographers on the other hand, dont have to rely on photoshop. Yes, sometimes theres the need to remove some details to make the photo nicer but they dont use photoshop ALL THE TIME. Like that why would people look for photographers? They just need to look for photoshoppers. -_-

Going 2am, on a rainy night. Time for bed ! :)

Ive been looping "Tonight" for the longest time already. On some nights, certain songs just mean something more. Brings back certain memories, stirs up certain thoughts. Sometimes we tweet them, we post them as facebook statuses, we change them to our new msn nicks... When people ask us about them, most of us will just answer that they are just "song lyrics"........ But actually its what we feel/think at that point of time isnt it LOL. Actually I know but I just never wanted to expose people teehee buttttttttttttttttttttttttttt song lyrics always express how we feel :D Different ones at different timesssss

And tonight reminds me of dumb but fond memories HAHA

I spent last weekend catching fast and furious 5 for a second time with daddy and mummy, commenting about how mia is damn hot throughout the show, and to conclude that amk's fish and co is of substandard. Bak kut teh at balestier was pretty substandard too- There are so many, just which to choose ! Nigel's birthday lunch at amici on sunday, and the standard pretty much deteriorated too -.- Everything tasted just so so :/ Malaya cafe for lunch the second time with korkor dearie, monster yjh and laoqian, but if you ask me it was just average. We caught priest after pool(WHICH I FINALLY WON LAOQIAN IN HAHAHAHAHA), which was a terrible show PLEASE DONT WATCH -_- No climax, retarded and boring. It was followed by baikohken, something I always wanted to try but it was just so so leh. I dont know if its cuz the one at taka isnt the original one but bahhhhhhhhh it sure was disappointing lol. Ive come to realize that the entire sat and sun revolved around food HAHAHA


Doc's appointment at on monday morning, accompanied by monster yjh, following which we had prata at the prata house located at thomson ! It was not bad if you ask me, but I prefer like chewy prata as to crispy prata. HAHA. Hans at thomson after that and it was just food and more food till we met up with korkor dearie and laoqian ( yet again LOL ) for a nua-ing session at my place the whole day. Simple times, simple moments, lots of bridge sessions. Yay ^^


Healthy lifestyle on tues as we went for cycling, after lunch at fish and co express. I like it much more than the real fish and co HAHA. We went to pasir ris instead of the usual ecp cuz I wanted to play with the swing, which we did in the end for a short moment. Super crowded cuz of the public holiday and the place was just..... Super packed. Got into an accident with a guy who crashed into me at full speed and gahhhhhhhh my knee is still wounded till now. I can say its my first accident since I learnt how to cycle 2 years ago. LOL-.- We went quite a distance I must say, and ..... It just brought back lots of memories when we cycled past aloha loyang. That must have been when everything just started flooding back hahahaha. No matter how long time has lapsed, some things just cant be erased. Some places, some moments, some scenes....... They dont go away, do they?


Thank god for you lover xoxoxoxoxoxoxo :)

I just hope bad thoughts will go away. Telling myself its just the pms and not the beginning of a new chapter of unnecessary sinking thoughts. Pretty disastrous.

At 3am, what could I possibly be thinking of besides......... SLEEPING? LOL

Sometimes, do you wish life could be a little more perfect? Just a little more.

You know, I always feel like blogging. There are so many occasions by which I have lots of thoughts in my mind and I think, Okay I shall sit down and blog about it all... But in the end nothing comes out. Most of the time my thoughts are so jumbled up I find it near impossible to organize them. Otherwise, it'd be that in the midst of thinking, I realize that the statements I want to make dont exactly hold cuz there are other perspectives and sides to it :O Thats exactly why Ive been procrastinating for the week and there has been zero updates since then. Ha ha.

These few days, Ive been in a really cranky mood and all and so much so much have been going through my mind. Ive been thinking about everything from my life to dealing with people to the past.. Everything.

Once in awhile I start to wonder, why did whatever once happened happen? Things happen for a reason, but till now I still havent found the reason why it happened, or the reason it happened for. I dont know how things can develop so quickly and deteriorate so rapidly at the same time, but whenever I think back and the memories flow back, I cant help but notice how quickly everything happened. The implications that lasted till now and the things that I hear about even until now, cant help but make me wonder if there was more than that to it. But why is it so everything happened so quickly?

When I look at past photos, even those that are irrelevant to you, so long it corresponds to the period of time when you left me the deepest memory, I think of you. When I looked at volleyball photos taken during the competition period, you came up in my mind. It somehow hasnt really left my mind that you were my greatest focus during the entire period. No I am not emoing over you, I just happened to think back, reminiscise and wonder.

Dear senior, I wonder how you are? Are you happier now? Have you let go of everything you once couldnt? Are you surviving well wherever you are? Are you enjoying your life? Is everything smooth? I wish I had a telescope to look (dno how many kilometres away) and find out how you really are :') I miss you

If theres a will, theres a way. Is this really true? I think its true for some things, but not for all and not all the time. Mostly, it isnt. It only applies for things like... "I will finish my homework" and not "I will be able to produce quality work with correct answers". Not everything is within everybody's ability. Too bad I couldnt do miracles to make everyone happy. Too bad not everyone could perform miracles to make me happy.

I have expectations, alot instead. There are so many things that offend me, piss me off and everything, I doubt I could ever be done listing all of them out. I am so temperamental and everything. Im just not your girl next door. I have a fiesty temper and an unpredictable attitude. So.... Dont love me. Its not worth it :)

Baaaaaaaaaah I wanted to type so much more but you know what, I lost track of my thoughts. Again. Ohwellz I shall leave the rest to tomorrow.

Ohyes my cleo swimsuit shoot's out in the june issue already teehee. Nothing big but.... I still feel a certain sense of happiness. Its like the first little step out :)

I wanted to blog this afternoon but goddamnit, blogger was down. Was full of stuff to release from my mind but now, ahh they're mostly gone. LOL.

Juniors' finals on wednesday- The girls lost, and thus settled for second place, while the guys won and emerged as champions. When the girls lost, I felt this overwhelming pain for them, but when I saw their happy faces, I stopped to think again. Does this title really mean so much, or does the effort and journey with the endless memories they went through together mean more? I am sure its the latter. Hence it didnt really matter I guess. They went through it, they tried, and they're happy. They felt the bond, they felt as a team, and regardless of what other people say, nothing matters ! :) Andddddd I feel happy for them too :)

I start to think back about the past, when results meant everything. Winning seemed like everything. Thoughts about how the most important thing should be about the experience, only came into my mind as a second option to fall back on when winning- the first option, didnt make it through. We kept fighting and fighting and fighting, to shine, to prove ourselves, to WIN, in every way we could- internally, externally.

After years of fighting, it was only till the last that I realised I didnt really wanna fight anymore. What I enjoyed, wasnt to win... It was something else. I guess thats how volleyball helps us to grow up? :) Nevertheless, Im happy for the juniors, they are always the champions in my heart :)

There hasnt been much peace at home lately, its been war from time to time and... I dont know whats going on through his brain. Yes we have conflicts, fights and arguments but from time to time, he does nothing to make up for whatever he has done- whether hes right or not. I used to side him all the time when he was say 10, when I felt that he isnt heard. But ever since he was able to really take control of his life and generate thoughts of his own, he hasnt exactly been the pleasant little boy I knew. Other than the perhaps, 7 years of his life where he didnt have control over, he was more a nasty guy than an adorable little boy. I will not discredit the 10% of the time where he is awesomely pleasant to be with. But other than that... I really dont know what to say.

I am not here trying to flame my brother or anything like that but... I just wish he knew. Turning 16 in 1 day's time does not give him the right to behave like that. Yes he can have his bad times but theres a limit to how far a person should go. Especially when hes totally in the wrong.

Because it is such a picture-less post, heres one from my photoshoot 2 weeks back :D I like that series alottttttttttttttt :) Sometimes its like, every chance is a opportunity given. Nothing should be taken for granted.